The Mirror of Israel: A Reflection on Betrayal, Mercy, and Transformation

Yet they would not listen to their judges, but they played the harlot with other gods and bowed down to them. They turned quickly from the way in which their fathers walked, in obeying the commandments of Yahweh; they did not do so.

—Judges 2:17

Israel's Cycle of Unfaithfulness

I often read over the stories about how Israel played in Yah's face. One day they said they loved Him and would follow His ways, and the next they didn't. Back and forth, in and out, over and over. Ezekiel is one of the books that gives a sharp description of just how atrocious their acts were. I could barely stand to finish reading it.

The Mirror Turns Toward Me

But then, I took every moment of reflection and thought about myself. How much I played in His face. He told me He loved me and I was His, but I kept searching for other forms of instant gratification and pleasure. I needed the other gods whom I could see and feel. I chose cheap moments over endless love. One minute I was with Yahweh, then the next I was with someone else.

I thought about the painful betrayals from people who were wolves in sheep's clothing. I thought about the many times I was cheated on, lied to, deceived, and manipulated. Many told me they loved me but played around in other ponds. I stayed and tried to make demonic relationships work, tried to fix broken souls at the expense of breaking mine the most. Nothing worked, and the love that I was promised eluded me.

The Weight of Recognition

But then the thought came: "But I did those same things to Yahweh." I hurt Him, cheated on Him, chased after other gods, worshiped myself, and took what He gave me and spent it on perverted lovers. Yes, I was Israel all over again.

The realization brought so many tears to my eyes—to imagine me causing Yahweh pain, that real pain to the heart. I mean, I've had pain that made me want to kill myself, and I acted out on it. But deep betrayal and expressed hatred from those who say they love you, and from those with whom you share the same DNA, hit differently. I sacrificed and gave of myself to these people, and they just trampled all over me like filth in the street.

Well, I did the same to Yahweh too. I trampled over His love, goodness, mercy, and grace. I took second, third, fourth, and fifth chances for granted and spent them on the sons of Belial, who offered me heaven but gave me hell.

A Heart Transformed

I made Him hurt, and this brought me to snot and tears. My head was bowed down as I pictured how I trampled on the cross of HaMashiach and crucified Him afresh every time I chose to walk away from Him and into the arms of Satan. Letting all of this sink in ignited a fire within me to choose Yah no matter what. I accepted that I owe Him my life. That is the least I can do.

This was not rehearsing old sins and condemning myself. This was seeing things for what they really were, connecting with Messiah's pain when we cheat on Him, and acknowledging my dire need for the cleansing power of His blood. I need Yahuah every day, and the only way I can get to Him is through His beautiful son. I am nothing without Him, and I never want to be an instrument of pain and disappointment toward Him ever again.

My former life and actions make me sick. I abhor sin and desire not to operate in it. It is disgusting to treat such a holy, sovereign Yahuah the way many of us have and others still do. Who are we to look in our Creator's face and tell Him He got it all wrong? Who are we to attempt taking the paintbrush from Him and go paint out our own lives the way we desire and splotch up the wall with black paint? Who are we to tell Him how our lives are going to go and that He can mind His business, but come back and give me what I want when I demand it?

An Invitation to Reflect

For the purpose of this writing, I ask you to go back and read the following:

Judges 2:11-23 - Israel's Unfaithfulness

Ezekiel 16 - Yah's Love for Jerusalem

There are other passages, but mindfully read those scriptures. Then meditate upon them and think about your life. Remember where you were and where you are now. Deeply search your heart and allow Him to search it as well. I don't know about you, but I don't want any of the "fool" in me. Our heart's cry should be for Him to take out any mess that does not serve Him in any capacity.

The Merciful Father

But there is something else written in those scriptures, and it's His love—the pity He had on His people every time they started hollering and crying because they got themselves in a mess and He wasn't dealing with them right then. He comes back as a good Abba and shows them mercy time and time again.

Oh yes, that's exactly what He did toward me. If the enemy had his way, I wouldn't still be here among the living, and I wouldn't be writing any of these words. But a merciful Yah saw my heart—the true me that He crafted before time. He knew I was coming. He knew I would finally surrender and give it all to Him.

A Call to Transformation

I'm forgiven, set free, made new, and walking it out every day. And I hope you are too. If you aren't, I implore you to go into the secret place and have those raw, honest conversations with Him. Tell Him everything about what you are struggling with and what you feel like you can't give up and need some help with, and hopefully confession and repentance will be pouring out from the heart.

Change must come. Holiness must adorn the temple, inside and outside. Just let Him do what He sees fit. Nothing you nor I could do on our own would ever work anyway. So go ahead and stop wasting time, and give yourself over to Him fully and completely. He will perform a miracle and work out a glorious change in your life.

BBHM