Treated As Common
Why are you doing this to me?
What have I done so badly to you that you hate me this much?
I have given you my best, and you still cheat on me?
You only had three pairs of prison boxers and work clothes, and you were running an extension cord from your sister's house. When I met you, I made sure you were taken care of: I bought you a wardrobe, put shoes on your feet, got you haircuts, and moved you into a house with running water, heating, cooling, and electricity. But you act like I never did anything for you.
You always put other people and what they want first. I can barely get any time from you, past when you want me in bed.
These are just a few of the words I've used in the past to plead with someone who never appreciated, loved, respected, or cared for me. The only thing that mattered to them was what I could do for them. The cost of that situationship was mighty high. If you calculate the math, I paid $50.00 for fifty cents' worth of attention. The tax was mighty high.
Most days and nights, I felt used, rejected, abandoned, and confused - as if I were nothing. I tried to make things work, but the harder I tried, the more elaborate their betrayals became.
Those were some of the most painful periods of my life - painful enough that I thought about ending it all so that I wouldn't have to feel the pain of heartbreak. I couldn't understand why no one wanted to love me. All that pouring out of my resources, my heart, my loyalty -always being there to fix things and pick up the pieces - still wasn't enough. The harlots, the drinking and smoking buddies, the relatives, and whoever else got all the attention and access I could never receive.
So, when I read these scriptures, my heart empathized, and I repented all over again for the times I did the same thing to Abba Yah. He pleaded with Israel, His beloved, so many times throughout Scripture, but when I read this, I remembered:
"O My people, what have I done to you? And how have I wearied you? Testify against Me. For I brought you up from the land of Egypt, I redeemed you from the house of bondage." - Micah 6:4
Abba wanted to know what He had done so wrong that they would be adulterous, cruel, and refuse to reciprocate the love He had always shown them. How had He vexed their souls? He wanted them to state their accusation against Him. He reminded them how He brought them out of the land of Egypt, a place of great bondage. Abba Yah had always been loving, compassionate, and kind to a rebellious, stiff-necked, stubborn people. But they kept choosing other gods - even things made by their own hands -and trusting in everything but the one true Yah. He was the only one who had come through for them with undeniable evidence, yet He was disregarded and taken for granted. He was treated as common, and that hurts.
When I read this, I remembered exactly how that feels - and then I remembered that I had done Abba the very same way. I was chasing fulfillment from sources other than Him. Abba had delivered me and shown me His goodness, love, compassion, and grace time and time again. But I was set on fulfilling my own desires, in my own way, and on my own timeline - faster than He could provide. And yes, I reaped what I sowed.
Because of those lessons - the ones He didn't allow to consume me - that I learned to surrender my life to Abba Yah daily. I had to entrust my desires, my soul, to Him. We both cried: me, because I was so broken, hurt, and betrayed; and then tears of revelation, because I needed Him all along, and I wanted to truly come home and stay.
I finally understood the message Abba Yah was giving me about my life, who He is to me as Husband, and who I am to Him. I belong to Him, and He is jealous over me - and I have no problem with that. May I never take Him for granted again, for the rest of my life.
What about you? When you go back and read that scripture, are there situations in your own life that help you empathize with Abba? Are there areas of your heart that are wanton against Him? Do you take Him for granted? Do you treat His blessings and the provision of your daily bread as "common"?
This message doesn't come to condemn you but to encourage you to partner with the Ruach HaKodesh and search your heart. If you find anything, be bold enough to confront it. Partner with Him to pull down those strongholds, evict the lies, embrace the truth, and become better.
We are all in this together. You are not alone. He loves you, and so do I.
BBHM
