Wolves in Business Casual: Recognizing Narcissistic Tactics at Work
For many believers - whether you keep Shabbat and the Feasts as a Messianic Believer- the workplace is meant to be a place where we can "do everything without grumbling or arguing" (Philippians 2:14) and let our conduct point to something higher. But most of us have also worked alongside someone whose conduct pointed only to themselves. Understanding the tactics of narcissistic coworkers or bosses isn't gossip or unforgiveness - it's discernment, and Scripture actually commends it (Matthew 10:16, "be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves").
Common Tactics to Recognize
Gaslighting. A narcissistic coworker may flatly deny saying or doing something, even when you have clear evidence otherwise, leaving you to question your own memory and judgment.
Triangulation and gossip. Narcissists often thrive on chaos, pitting coworkers against one another and spreading rumors - especially toward people they feel threatened by.
Credit-stealing and blame-shifting. A common pattern is taking credit for a team's work while deflecting blame for failures onto others, leaving the actual contributors feeling erased.
Playing the victim. When confronted about their own mistakes, a narcissist may reframe themselves as the wronged party, drawing sympathy away from the person they actually harmed.
Information withholding and control. Selectively hoarding information keeps others dependent and maintains an uneven playing field.
Charm as a weapon. Flattery, charisma, and backhanded compliments are often used strategically to win allies or keep people off-balance, rather than as genuine kindness.
A Biblical Lens on These Tactics
Scripture doesn't use the word "narcissist," but it describes the fruit of this behavior with striking accuracy. Paul warns Timothy that in the last days people will be "lovers of themselves... boastful, proud... slanderous... conceited" (2 Timothy 3:2–4) -a list that reads like a checklist of workplace narcissism. James warns that "where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice" (James 3:16), which matches the chaos and division these tactics tend to produce on a team.
We are called to a posture that resists retaliating in kind. Romans 12:17-19 instructs believers not to repay evil for evil and to leave room for Elohim's justice rather than seeking personal vengeance. The Torah's principle in Leviticus 19:17 - rebuking a neighbor honestly rather than harboring hatred - offers a middle path: naming the harm plainly, through the right channels, instead of either silent resentment or scorched-earth retaliation.
Responding Wisely, Not Passively
Recognizing manipulation isn't the same as excusing it, and neither is it a license to become bitter or vengeful. A few practical, faith-consistent steps:
Document what happens. Keep a factual record of incidents, dates, and witnesses. This isn't distrust of Elohim's justice - it's stewardship and wisdom (Proverbs 22:3).
Set and hold boundaries. Boundaries are not unforgiving; they protect your ability to keep serving well and honestly.
Use proper channels. If a boss or coworker's behavior is affecting your work or well-being, involve HR or appropriate leadership rather than trying to "win" through office politics.
Guard your heart, not just your reputation. Pray for the person even while protecting yourself from their tactics (Matthew 5:44) - these aren't mutually exclusive.
Remember your identity isn't tied to their approval. A narcissist's opinion of you is not a reliable measure of your worth or your work; that's rooted elsewhere (Psalm 139:14).
Closing Thought
Working alongside a narcissistic colleague can be exhausting and disorienting. But naming the pattern for what it is - rather than doubting your own perception - is itself an act of wisdom. And responding with clear boundaries, honest documentation, and a heart that resists bitterness reflects a maturity that both the Torah and the New Testament point toward: being firm about truth and gracious about people.
Scripture references: Philippians 2:14; Matthew 10:16; 2 Timothy 3:2–4; James 3:16; Romans 12:17–19; Leviticus 19:17; Proverbs 22:3; Matthew 5:44; Psalm 139:14 (NIV).
Workplace-narcissism research drawn from ChoosingTherapy.com, Leaders.com, AllVoices, and OurMental.health
