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Breaking Free from the Narcissistic Push-Pull Tactic: A Biblical Perspective

Writer: BrokenButHealed Ministry
BrokenButHealed Ministry
Oct 18, 2025
4 min read

The human heart is desperately wicked and deceitful above all things (Jeremiah 17:9), and nowhere is this more evident than in the manipulative tactics employed by narcissistic individuals. One of the most damaging and confusing of these tactics is known as the "push-pull" dynamic—a cycle of emotional manipulation that leaves victims feeling spiritually, emotionally, and mentally exhausted.

Understanding the Push-Pull Tactic

The narcissist's relationships follow a pattern where they pull you into their web with their apparent charm, wit, kindness, and generosity only to sabotage it all for no obvious reason. Then, when all seems lost, they switch on the charm again, and things return to those initial stages where everything is perfect once again...TEMPORARILY. This creates what researchers describe as an alternating pattern designed to maintain control and dominance over their victims.

The push-pull tactic operates in predictable phases:

The Pull Phase: The narcissist showers you with attention, affection, and promises. They may quote Scripture about love and commitment, present themselves as spiritually mature, or claim Elohim (God) has brought you together for a special purpose. This phase feels intoxicating and can be mistaken for genuine godly love.

The Push Phase: Without warning, the narcissist becomes cold, critical, or absent. They alternately draw their partner in with affection and then push them away, sometimes very subtly, with criticism or indifference. This creates confusion and emotional turmoil for their partner and leaves victims questioning their own worth and spiritual standing.

The Spiritual Deception

What makes this tactic particularly insidious in faith communities is how narcissists weaponize spiritual language. "If you really loved me, you wouldn't question me" is a classic line that manipulates biblical principles of forgiveness, submission, and unconditional love. They may twist Scripture to justify their behavior, claim that questioning them shows a lack of faith, or even position themselves as having special spiritual authority or revelation from Elohim.

In messianic and Christian contexts, manipulators may exploit concepts like covenant relationship and the biblical model of marriage or even invoke Hebrew terms like "shalom" or "chesed" (loving-kindness) to create an appearance of deep spiritual connection while operating from selfish motives.

This manipulation exploits the beautiful biblical call to love sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25) and forgive repeatedly (Matthew 18:22). However, Elohim's design for relationships—evident from the Garden of Eden through the New Covenant—includes mutual respect, genuine teshuvah (repentance), and accountability. These elements are conspicuously absent in narcissistic dynamics.

Recognizing the Pattern

The push-pull cycle creates what psychologists call "trauma bonding." The unpredictable alternation between love and rejection triggers the same neurochemical responses as addiction. Victims find themselves desperately trying to recreate those initial "pull" moments, often sacrificing their own well-being, relationships with others, and even their relationship with Yah (God) in the process.

Signs you may be experiencing this manipulation include:

  • Feeling like you're constantly walking on eggshells

  • Making excuses for someone's treatment of you

  • Isolating from friends, family, or community

  • Experiencing anxiety, depression, or spiritual confusion

  • Losing your sense of identity or personal boundaries

The Path to Freedom

Christ came to set captives free (Luke 4:18), and this includes freedom from manipulative relationships. Recovery requires both spiritual and practical wisdom:

Seek Yah-Inspired Counsel: Proverbs 27:6 reminds us that "faithful are the wounds of a friend." The Torah emphasizes the importance of wise counsel and community accountability (Deuteronomy 19:15). Trusted spiritual advisors, counselors, Yah-filled believers, and support groups can provide the outside perspective needed to see these patterns clearly.

Establish Boundaries: Yahshua (Jesus) Himself withdrew from people when necessary (Luke 5:16), and the concept of healthy boundaries is deeply rooted in biblical law and wisdom literature. You have to enforce your boundaries firmly. Otherwise, the narcissistic person will attempt to push them over time. Setting limits isn't unloving—it's wise stewardship of the life Yahweh has given you.

Remember Your Identity: Your worth isn't determined by another person's treatment of you, but by your identity as Yahweh's beloved child (1 John 3:1) and as one chosen by the Holy One of Israel (Isaiah 43:1). The push-pull tactic specifically targets your sense of self-worth, making it crucial to anchor your identity in your relationship with the Almighty alone.

Hope for Healing

While the wounds from narcissistic manipulation run deep, Elohim is faithful to heal and restore. He promises to bind up the brokenhearted and comfort those who mourn (Isaiah 61:1-3)—a passage Yahshua read in the synagogue to declare His mission (Luke 4:18-19). The Yahweh of Israel is El Rofeh, the Yahweh who heals, and His healing extends to emotional and spiritual wounds. Recovery takes time, professional help, and a strong support system, but freedom is possible.

Remember, protecting yourself from manipulation isn't selfish—it's biblical wisdom. As believers, we're called to be "wise as serpents and innocent as doves" (Matthew 10:16), recognizing harmful patterns while maintaining our capacity for genuine love and forgiveness.

If you're currently experiencing the push-pull tactic, know that you're not alone, and healing is available. The same Elohim who delivered Israel from Egypt and who raised Yahshua from the dead can deliver you from this bondage. Reach out to trusted friends, professional counselors, or your Yah-based community for support as you navigate the path toward freedom and wholeness in Him.

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