I’m Gonna Die
It’s been years since...
Well.
Since I left the old way to walk the new way
Searching for the ancient path that provides some rest for my weary soul
I need a drink
I need some vittles
I need some answers to the ongoing struggles that persist as
Unwanted visitors
Or for the things I hope for
Pray for
that seem to remain elusive
I don’t want to hear another date
In September, October, November, December
Your blessings come now
The ones I’ve been looking for outside of the ones I’m grateful for
I’ve been looking for them since
Since…
A long time—that’s all I can say about that
So, one day, I met up with my Father at the usual spot
It was time to have a different kind of talk
My thoughts have changed and now I’m wondering if all the things I’ve been hoping for
Are not the things that are aligned to my ordained path at all
I need to know
This isn’t giving up or not having faith
For me, this is rethinking my stance
Because My Father is able to do anything
There are no limitations in Him
So, what I haven’t received isn’t something that is beyond Him
He isn’t weak; He is a good Father who knows how to give His children good gifts
I know I’m His child, so...
I’m coming to the conclusion that maybe what I’ve been looking for
Isn’t what He has for me
Stay with me for a moment...
Hear me out
What if those things I desire and hope for are not aligned with His will?
Isn’t it His will, not mine be done?
What if I’m looking for things to come in a certain way that just won’t be
I think it’s time to die
Put to death that willful part of me
Maybe I need to go into further submission
And abandon self
After all, I prayed to be totally aligned with heaven
So maybe this is what it looks like
To guide me to the conclusion of Solomon
Vanity of vanities, all is vanity
I don’t want to keep looking for my idea of what It is that I believe I need
I’m gonna keep hoping in Elohim because that never disappoints
So let me just go on and take in more of Him and less of me
By: Val
10/17/2025
