Space

I got to a space in my head.

That place that says

“Maybe this is it and how my natural life will be.”

The struggling, straining, striving, and trying to reason with why some things just aren’t coming around right, you know?

I’ve fasted, prayed, meditated, stayed, laid my heart out to be inspected by the Chief Inspector.

I’ve confessed, repented, sought out to bear the fruit of repentance.

Laid these burdens down….

After picking them up again from time to time

There isn’t anything I can do in my own strength, and my own righteousness ain’t righteousness at all…

I ain’t nothing without Him.

See, I don’t ask for much, or at least I think I don't.

I just want a few things to go right in this matrix called life.

To experience the aftereffects of when you tell Yahuah “yes” and decide to go all the way this time

After all the bad seeds I’ve sown in my former life, I’m ready to see some good come up from the ones that were sown decent

I know there were some messed-up decisions made in the past that didn’t do Him or me any good.

So I’ve had to pay for that, and I get it..

But I know we ain’t supposed to pay forever…

Aw, don’t mind me.

That’s just self-blame talking, or just trying to figure out why life just ain’t moving and shaking for me

But look here, friend..

I’m not staying in this mindset.

Nope!

I choose to focus on His love and remain in His arms.

He literally ain’t  got to do nothing else outside of what He did when He sent His Son to fool with humans down here on this earth, be ridiculed, falsely accused, stalked, and despised.

Tortured and painfully died, shedding blood not just for His friends but for those who stole from Him.

Didn’t give Him any respect

Yeah.

So this is not a demand for anything but a humble hope and prayer.

That maybe I’ll know what a natural win is.

Until then, I’m gonna hunker down in the secret place, stay in his shadow, and play my role.

Cover me, Father, until I can get home.

BBHM