Yah Is..My Husband

I experienced so many relationships in my life, and the majority of them were not positive. From controlling and manipulative friends and family members to abusive, controlling, and manipulative romantic situationships/relationships. That's what I knew. There were a few positive influences in my life, but due to the conditioning, traumas, wounds, and constant pain, I often gravitated towards what never served me.

I was never loved, protected, or chosen by previous "lovers." The only husbands I ever experienced were the ones that were listed on paper. The ones who wanted what I offered but were never willing to give. Plagued with betrayal, abuse, shame, and witchcraft from a couple of the exes that turned out to be warlocks. I simply did not know what a husband was outside of my mind, how I imagined it to be. Real life did not give me half of what I thought I was receiving when I stepped into each demonic covenant that was never approved by Yah. So, no, there could never be love, especially from people who did not love Yah and were not interested in doing so.

I often wondered what it would be like to be doted on, cared for, and cherished by a "real husband." I often cried myself to sleep as I lay in empty beds between discards, either by being cheated on, beaten, cursed out, or abandoned. What does the gentleness from a man even feel like? Is it possible for him to ever want me? Would I ever know what it would be like not to be in my feminine and stop being a leader and a provider and bearing burdens never meant for my back alone?

It was around 2020, and during a night vision, I remember the Father telling me that He was my husband and He would take care of me and my children. He had everything I needed. During that time, my then husband's narcissism and abuse amped up. I was often ignored, dismissed, abused, and discarded. He would come and go as he pleased, and sometimes, he wouldn't come back home at all until a day or two later. Any issues that occurred in the home, with my car, and with bills fell completely on me. He completely and totally dismissed me until whatever was on the outside didn't captivate him anymore or failed. Then he would come running back. I accepted this behavior, and the Father let me know that I belonged to Him, not it.

Over time amid continuing abuse and betrayals, years later, I found myself detaching from the situation and being more in the presence of Yah. I took my battered, worn, ignorant, tattered, torn-up soul with voids in it to the cross. Then around 2021, I received a prophetic word, and again Yah spoke and said that He was my husband and would provide. By that time, I began to check that part of Him out. After all, I was so traumatized, and due to the mistrust I had for physical men, I carried that over to Him. I wasn't as trusting, and I wasn't sure what all He was offering.

I kept seeking, praying, and wanting to know more, and over time, the walls around my heart began to come down. And I saw that when that same husband attempted to sabotage me and the house and take me down, Yah held me up. He made me aware of the schemes of the devil and provided me with wisdom to walk through it until I was done. Well done came in 2023. He was divinely removed. He thought that it was his idea to leave and run to his mistress, but I knew it was by design.

For a few months, I struggled financially, amongst other things, but through it all, Yah shone even greater as a husband. He held me up, comforted me through my grief, and wiped my tears. When I felt like everything in the home would fall, He came through and lifted it up. I literally began to see Him at work in my life as a provider. Our relationship deepened, and love went past words on a page. Yah paid attention to my quirks, comforted my heart, and made sure to let me know that He was walking with me every step of the way. While adjusting to being single and getting lonely, I felt His divine presence, such a sweet Ruach upon me. And when I needed to rest, I knew I could rest in Him and worry about nothing.

To date, He has shown me what love is, and I absolutely refuse to accept trash and mistreatment in my life. Just today, I was concerned about a financial matter and felt a little overwhelmed. I cried out to Him about it and some other things on my heart, and then suddenly, His reassuring peace rested upon my heart. I knew that everything was ok and that He was already handling it. My tears of frustration turned into tears of gratitude and joy. It was like an invisible embrace that reached my soul.

There is so much more that I could share, and some I can't quite put into words right now. But what I know for a fact is that my Yah, my husband, is exactly that. We have a covenant bond for eternity. He is teaching me how to walk step by step, in agreement with Him. Who knows? He may be preparing me for one of His sons, or He may not. All I know is that, right now, in this very moment, my yes is a firm yes to Him. Thank you, Abba Yah, for loving me, accepting me, and shaping me for your use.

BBHM